day two: life assessment

this is Day two of the 31 day reset your life challenge

what do i love and hate about each area?
i’ve been assessing my life for some time now. got to a point where the unending doom was threatening to devour me whole and never let me go. i dare not think what life would be like if i ever let  that doom overcome me. thinking about ones life isn’t particularly hard if you just think lackadaisically. 
it is daunting to take a structured look at ones life. daunting because you know you have to take a serious look at certainly areas. so it has taken me a long time and indeed a lot of will power to focus and do this assessment. i’d already done much of it throughout 2010. it’s just that i was afraid that i’d discover that my life is a lot more doomed than i thought. so i had to bite down and do it. and maybe even now i haven’t done it properly yet. so i do intend of thinking it through on an ongoing basis. 
so there are a lot more ‘hates’ about the seven areas of my life than there are ‘loves’. but that’s ok. i knew that. last year certainly made that clear and the longer that year dragged on the more determined i was to drag myself out of the doom and gloom.
so here are a few things i’ve learnt about myself in the last year:
i’ve let fear hold me back. i blogged about this a few days ago. i let fear keep me from trying out some fabulous ideas for business. i let fear keep me from completing a feature script, from shooting a documentary, from completing a novel, from taking a leap. fear kept me from expressing myself honestly, instead i bottled up my emotions, thoughts, ideas and they festered inside. making me unhappy. i let fear keep me from going when the spirit wanted to go so i became stuck. fear kept me from living life as i wanted to live it. and so that’s why there are a lot more ‘hates’ in my life assessment than ‘loves’.
the exciting thing is that this level of self-awareness has buoyed me. it’s kept me from drowning in the gloom because i realised that if i can identify what burdens me then i can sort it out. so as 2011 slowly gets on it’s legs, i’m excited. i’m in a hurry (and i know i need to take it easy). i’m dying to figure myself out so that i can make this year rock. i refuse to be in that place, back there in the gloom, where i felt like i’d lost control of my own existence. i’m so excited that i want everybody else to be just as gung-ho! but i know that it all takes one step at a time. i know that we all have our own journeys and that i can’t impose my journey, exciting as it may be, on anyone else.
i wish for myself, for everyone, courage to continue to pursue a life worth living. a life out of bounds. the kind of life that one can look back on with pride. it’s not about fame or money. it’s about living a life that’s beautiful and free.

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