reinvention | fear

this is a recurring theme in my psyche. i’m getting edgy even as i start writing this blog. my heart starts to beat really fast and my breath is short. clear signs that the fight/flight/freeze mode is kicking in.

question is what will i do? will i fight, flee or freeze?

a while back, i admitted to myself that one of the things holding me back is fear. see i used to think i didn’t fear anything. then i thought that i feared failure then i thought it was success… cliché anyone? now i don’t know. i haven’t figured yet what it is exactly that i fear. all i know is that whenever i want to do something – a new daring venture, change a job situation, relocate – this feeling takes over me. i get edgy, very edgy. often i end up not seeing through whatever dream i was having at the time.

see what i mean when i say it holds me back.

you know how they say that it’s not the things you do that you regret, it’s the things that you don’t do?

well, i’m haunted by the things that i haven’t done. things that i started to do – got into ‘pre-prod’ then dropped and moved on to the next thing. the things that came to me in dream mode, the great ideas that i thought too much and too long about. they haunt me.

so i know that it’s fear. and i want to kick this fear out or tame it for my own benefit. it is tripping me up and keeping me from living my dreams… i need help figuring out what the fear is because well as Sun Tzu says “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt.

so this is the journey of reinvention…

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